ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my phone needs a breathalizer
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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