I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
