Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
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Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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