he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
