is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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