If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
