what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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