oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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