I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
