Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.

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(619): View more from California

Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"

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(702): View more from Nevada

Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.

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(574): View more from Indiana

It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.

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(915): View more from Texas

I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.

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(807): View more from Ontario

I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..

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