There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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