as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
