all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
