Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
