He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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