i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
