i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This house was built for laser tag.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
