The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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