Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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