I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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