the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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