turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
