How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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