nut hugger
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
