So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
