I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
