i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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