ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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