what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
