Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
