Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
