I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
