Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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