Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
