I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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