Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
