Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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