so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
