before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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