i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
