hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
