Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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