i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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