You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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