When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he thought i was a dude.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
