fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
