My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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