Dignity is for republicans.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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