Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want her autograph on my taint
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
