Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
