My liver just broke up with me...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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