Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
