Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
