she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize