You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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