so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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