he puts the penis in happiness.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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