You don't have asthma, your pregnant
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
