No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
