cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
