Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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